Sermon?

Bud: Crap and Fertilizer... I see a sermon in there! Im gonna use that!
Everyone else: 0.o

Donkeys

Bud: What is the story of Palm Sunday?
Taylor: That's when Jesus walked through the donkey!

Physics

Kid hit the whiffle ball... it kind of spun in mid air and then went backwards...

Chelsea: That ball just defied the laws of physics..
Me: The ball forgot how to physics...

I Forgot How to Legs

Quote of the Night... (A few nights late...)
Me: *trips on nothing*Derek: Wow... that was almost like if FDR came back to life and tried to show people how legs worked

Me: ...No Derek that is not how that works
Customer: *laughing*

Lemon Jolly Ranchers

Elizabeth: *opens Lemon Jolly Rancher* "This is the taste of childhood!"

Me: "This is the taste of elementary school library class"

Yes people... Lemon Jolly Ranchers are yet again a thing... You can get entire bags of just lemon jolly ranchers

Triple Double Oreos

Elizabeth: *picks up package of triple double oreos* "This is why America is fat..." 

Me:"Triple Double Oreos?" 

Elizabeth: "Yes..."

Skittles

I passed out with Skittles in my mouth once. I guess I was eating them and fell asleep... When i woke up they were still there and my cheek was all wrinkly...

~ Brett

Time Lord Samurai

There's no other explanation... Samurai Jack has to be a time lord...

~ Elizabeth

No Clothes

Derek: "This whole understaffed thing needs to stop..."
Me - "I think Gina said she ordered someone... oh! I mean hired someone!"

Derek: She ORDERED someone? *In Serbian Accent* I used to work in the Mediterranean smuggling people into Italy. I go there, I abduct them. Send them to deli. They slice real good -  or I send them home with NO clothes!

*up on tip toes like a begging dog* *barks very very realistically....*

~Derek

Ninja

Derek comes back from break... Case is wrapped and refilled, dates are pulled, slicer cleaning in progress...
Derek - "How did you....?"
Me - "I'm a ninja..."

Curl The Burl...

~ Derek 

"I wish i had gills. I would put them on my neck. But only if i can still keep my lungs."

~ Derek 

"hey... This floor is weird... Its made of stones and shit"

~ Derek

Derek: *straight face* "Fun fact: if you drink that entire thing you will become a diabetic." 

*context... I was holding a 1lb tube of raspberry pie filling

I couldnt handle the adorableness so i went on a homicidal rage!!

~ Derek 

Surrender

Derek and I were cleaning the deli and broke into song complete with broom guitar solo.... didnt care who walked by... it was Epic

Surrender

Angels and Airwaves

There is a crowd in here, that fooled themselves; 
they brought their friends, and they made their Hell. 
They fake their grin, in a lonely cell. 
To the bitter end,
But what do I know?

There are a few in here, that hurt themselves; 
They kick, and bend in a dried-up well. 
They call for help, and you know them well. 
Are you aware?
But what do I know? 

I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still dance in city streets
From the white house lawn to the middle east
And all around I'm just saying that this time I feel it now

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still move to a steady beat
Even if its bombs landing at their feet
Or all around I'm just saying that this time I feel it now

There is a place to hide,
It's in our minds,
It's in the dark 
It's well known that we have a fragile heart
Its deep inside
It has a sound that you can follow

You feel like you hit a wall
But you survive
And it was hard for you to swallow
I've been to that place before
In spite of luck
When you awake, a new tomorrow

I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender
No I, I will not surrender

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still dance in city streets
From the white house lawn to the Middle East
And all around
I’m just saying that this time I feel it now

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still move to a steady beat
Even if it's bombs landing at their feet
Or all around 
I’m just saying that this time I feel it now

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still dance in city streets
From the white house lawn to the Middle East
And all around I’m just saying that this time I feel it now

When God falls fast asleep
The kids still move to a steady beat
Even if its bombs landing at their feet
Or all around
I’m just saying that this time I feel it now

I feel it now
This time I feel it now
I feel it now
This time I feel it now

Oh oh oh oh oh
Yea ah oh oh oh oh oh
Yea ah oh oh oh oh oh
Yea ah oh oh oh oh oh (This time I feel it now)

"FFFFFFFFERNGULLY!"

~ Derek

*context... he had hit his elbow on the plastic wrapper right before hand

Me: bow bow bow Bo bow?
Derek: Toreeeeeeeeyaaahhhhhhh! *pulls slicer across table*

Me: 0.o

Well... I was on my way to this gay gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly had the thought... 'Gosh, the third reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the fuhrer'

~ River Song - Doctor Who

Derek: "I'm covered in dead pig!"
Me: "What?"
Derek: "IM COVERED IN DEAD PIG!"

On This Episode of Deli Grumps

"When Slicers Attack!"
Giant Eagle built the Evas to protect the world from the third impact. It didn't work so well because they're a super market chain and they were trying to build giant robots...

~ Derek

The New Adventures of Steve and Blue: Episode 1

Blue: Bow bo Bow Bow?
Steve: No Blue! You can't go in the backyard!
Blue: Bow Bo bow bow bow?
Steve: Cause that's where the bodies are!
Blue: Bow bow Bo bow bow
Steve: YES! ALL OF THEM! 

Steve - Derek

Blue - Me

"I'm Gonna Wreck It!" *pounds on counter*


~ Derek

8 am... while slicing cheese..."I need an army of Didgeridoos! 50,000 Dideridoos!"

~ Brett

Spaghetti Car?

"i wish I had a car that just magically made spaghetti. Just open the glove compartment and.bam! Plate of spaghetti!"


~ Dom

"I dont care if she's a clone of your wife... its still creepy!"

~ Derek

Van Gogh

Derek: Isn't he the Guy who cut off his ear?
Me: No Derek! He didn't cut off his whole ear! That would be stupid!

"When I get to the end of a cigarette it tastes like maple syrup!"

~ Spencer

"Either you're being a good cop.. or you just want to go to the museum."
"They have dinosaurs there!"

Best Castle quote ever

"I just missed that stop sign... I just stop right here!"

~ Dom

"I followed in Derek's wake. We were like geese!!"

~ Mike

"You could have been at Jimmy buffet!"
"No!!"
"I don't see enough Hawaiian shirts... fuck it! Lets raise the dead!!"

Nate Russe ~ fun. 

We are different than rocks cause we speak human...

~ Little kid in our VBS group

If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king... I would be kind to my rabbit subjects... at first.... One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits don't come. I'm embarrassed so I eat all the lettuce in the world.. and make the rabbits watch.

~ Raj - The Big Bang Theory

First Quote!

It will take about 10 minutes of mixing to get nice homogeneous oobleck.